A Personal Testimony by
Gary Ray Branscome
During the years allotted to
me by God, I have experienced many struggles and have come through several
stages in my spiritual growth. As I reflect on the changes that have taken
place, I can see that each advance in my spiritual life corresponded to a
deeper awareness of my own sinfulness before God.
As a child I had every spiritual
advantage. My family attended a Bible-believing church, where the gospel was
preached and an effort was made to see that the message of God's grace was
included in every lesson. Sermon after sermon spoke of God's love, God's
willingness to forgive, etc. Yet, in my case all this preaching fell on deaf
ears because I did not think of myself as a sinner. Oh yes, I had been told
many times that all have sinned. I had heard it said, over and over again, that
even wrong thoughts or desires were sinful. The Lutheran order of service even
required me to recite to God the words, “I, a poor miserable sinner
confess all my sins and iniquities whereby I have ever offended Thee.”
However, I did not think that I had ever done anything “really”
bad. After all I reasoned, I had never worshiped an idol, robbed a bank,
committed adultery, or killed anyone. My sin-corrupted reason simply refused to
think that anything that did not cause physical harm to someone could really be
bad. That is the spiritual blindness which Jesus spoke of in Matthew 15:14.
As I entered my teenage years I
began to experience lusts and desires that sought to degrade me. In order to
resist such lusts I began to use God's Law as a motivation for self-control.
Yet, to my surprise, as I began to talk about the importance of keeping the law
in order to be saved my family jumped all over me. I was told that salvation
was by grace alone, and that I would go to hell if I trusted in works
(Ephesians 2:8-9). They all seemed to understand this grace stuff, but it did
not make any sense to me. What was grace? How could that save anyone? To me
faith was nothing more than believing that Jesus was a real person who was born
of a virgin and died on a cross, and grace was simply a way of describing
figure skaters, or dancers, or acrobats. What on earth could that have to do
with salvation?
About that time I began to partake
of the Lord's Supper. However, because I did not think of myself as a sinner I
received it to my own condemnation. Suddenly everything seemed to go wrong in
my life. My grades dropped, my confidence wilted, and I began to experience
seizures. At the same time, I felt confused, condemned, and worthless. It
seemed as if the very forces of the universe were arrayed against me (Judges
When my family first began to
insist that salvation was by grace alone, I resisted the idea. However, the
same spiritual power that was driving me to admit my sins seemed to be
compelling me to accept it. Finally, I was driven to my knees to ask God about
it. In prayer I told God that salvation by grace did not make any sense to me,
and asked Him to show me from His Word if it were true. As I was praying, the
idea that I would not be convinced by an interpretation ran through my mind, so
I also asked God to show me if it were true by what the words themselves
actually said, rather than an interpretation. A few months later I picked up my
Bible and began to read the book of Romans. As I was reading, the words
suddenly seemed to come alive. The meaning of the words penetrated my heart and
filled my soul with joy. After that experience, I was convinced that salvation
was by grace, but I still did not really understand what grace was.
Although the joy of that moment
continued for a while, because I was using the law as a motivation to resist
fleshly lust, and had convinced myself that I must not only trust but must also
obey, I soon lost the joy of salvation (Galatians 5:4). I had accepted the
doctrine that salvation was by grace, but I had not yet put my trust in Jesus.
Of course, if asked, I would say that I was a sinner (I had been trained to do
that), but I still wanted to think of myself as righteous, and, for that reason
did not really think of myself as a “bad sinner.” On the contrary,
in my blindness, I was convinced that God was pleased with me because of my
efforts to resist the flesh and to obey His law. As a result my life soon
became cold and empty.
During this period in my life I had
convinced myself that I was saved, even though I had no real assurance of it. I
had also learned to use the language of grace, even though my sin-corrupted
reason redefined all of the evangelical terminology, and I still thought of
myself as a righteous person. For example, if I said that God's Law must first
bring a person to repentance before they can have forgiveness, I did not mean
that we must admit our sin and look to Christ for forgiveness. On the contrary,
I did not really see what part Christ played in salvation. Instead, I imagined
that forgiveness came, not because of Christ but because one
“repented,” and that by deciding to obey God's law. Therefore, I
had simply embraced another form of works righteousness, one that was disguised
by an evangelical terminology.
One day this thought came to me.
What if God has a different standard of righteousness than I do? I think that I
am righteous, but what if God's standard of righteousness is so much higher
than mine that He would see me as a wicked person? If that were the case the
only way I could be saved would be to throw myself on His mercy. Suddenly
something clicked in my mind. Suddenly, I realized that God's grace is His
mercy. For the first time, the doctrine of salvation by grace made sense. To be
saved by grace was to be saved by God's mercy. The Bible passage, “All of
our righteousnesses are as filthy rags” then
came to my mind (Isaiah 64:6). As a result, for the first time I actually saw
my self as a sinner in need of God's forgiveness. Therefore, my entire way of
thinking began to change. Instead of seeing God as a harsh taskmaster, I began
to think of Him as a merciful Father. Nevertheless, I still wanted to be
motivated by God's law, and could not see how I could give up that motivation
without going to the opposite extreme.
During that period in my life I saw various statements that the Bible made
about redemption, justification, and other topics but had no idea where various
“doctrines” were found. I was blind to the fact that doctrine is
explicitly stated in Scripture “here a little, and there a little”
(Isaiah 28:10). As a result, doctrine seemed to be largely a matter of opinion.
Soon after I realized that God's
grace was His mercy in Christ, the seizures that had troubled me ceased. Years
earlier I had asked God to give me certain signs so that I would know when He
had healed me of that problem, those signs came to pass just as I had requested
and I have not been troubled with that problem since.
Then, as I read a description of
Martin Luther's conversion experience, my thoughts went back to the experience
of grace that had brought joy to my heart years before. As a result, I asked
God to allow me to experience an understanding of His grace such as Luther
experienced, one that would open my understanding of the Bible and help me to
see how the various doctrines of Scripture fit together.
When that prayer was answered (in
1971), the Bible suddenly seemed to come alive. As I read God’s Word it
seemed as if the Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart through what was written.
In my soul I began to feel the height and depth, the horror of sin and the joy
of salvation (See Ephesians
There were also several areas where
the Holy Spirit corrected my thinking. The first of these had to do with
emotionalism. Before I was saved, I imagined that the Holy Spirit would make me
excited and emotional. However, when the Spirit actually came, He taught me to
value discipline and self-control over fleshly emotion (1Corinthians
As I studied the Word, He led me to
see that truth is not a matter of which interpretation is right, but a matter
of what the Bible explicitly says. In short, The true
doctrine is what the Bible actually and objectively says, not what some man
claims that it says (2 Peter
Since I had asked God to send me
teachers who would guide me into the truth, the first one he brought into my
life was Dr. William Leberecht, an elderly gentleman
who had received a classical education. Dr. Leberecht
taught in a way similar to Socrates, by discussing, listening, and then asking
deep questions. From him, I learned to clearly define my terms, think in
precise logic, and analyze thoughts by breaking them down into assumptions and
premises. The second teacher that the Lord provided was Daniel Koelpin, who had also received a classical education. Under
his guidance, coupled with intense personal study, I acquired a good working
knowledge of theology. Other teachers and authors, such as Wayne Mund, later helped me to round out my education. Throughout
this period the Holy Spirit helped me to grow in wisdom, and impressed upon me
the importance of critically judging my own opinions in the light of God's
Word. I was taught to subject my own opinions to rigorous examination in order
to find and eliminate any error (Isaiah
At this time, I began to think
about the importance of looking at my own sins. Since I realized that it was
blindness to my own sin that had kept me from understanding the gospel, I was
impressed with the fact that throughout history, the men who received the deepest
insight into the gospel were those who had deepest awareness of their own sin.
Therefore, I asked God to help me to see myself as He saw me, and to see
clearly that even my righteousnesses were as filthy
rags.
During that period I critically analyzed
every thought, urge or idea that came into my head, condemning everything that
was not in accord with righteousness. In time, I came to see that even my
“righteous” acts were corrupted by sin, and that even when I did a
kind thing (such as giving a gift) my giving was not perfect. There were always
some second thoughts that went through my mind. Questions such as, “Do I
really want to spend that much?” always arose. At the same time, I did
not try to deceive myself, for I knew that even though such sins seemed small
to sinful man they were only present because my nature was corrupt (Jeremiah
17:9). Therefore, they were crimes worthy of hell in the eyes of a holy God
(James
Instead, I began to walk by faith,
doing that which seemed good and right without trying to make myself righteous
(Romans 7:6). Although I almost felt like a rebel when I took this step, to my
surprise it brought me to a new level of spiritual growth, for through it I
experienced sanctification by faith. In saying that, I by no means want to
imply that I ceased to be a sinner. My nature was still sinful. However, the
struggle with sin was far less intense. If you have ever struggled with a
problem in your life only to give up, and found that the problem disappeared
after you gave up, you have experienced, at least in part, sanctification by
faith. As I began to walk by faith new insights into God's Word flooded my
mind. At last I could see clearly that those who try
to live by a list of do's and don'ts are not keeping God's law at all. In fact,
the more they try to make themselves righteous the harder they are rebelling
against God, for they are refusing to see their sin (Romans 10:3, Galatians
5:4). In other words, because the purpose of God's law is to expose our sin,
only those who critically look for their sins are keeping God's law.
Furthermore, if keeping God's law involves condemning ourselves as sinners,
then freedom from the law is freedom from condemnation (1Corinthians 11:31,
Romans 8:1-2). Moreover, it was one thing to know that truth as doctrine and
another to actually live it. I was free, free at last, free not to be
unrighteous but to be righteous (Romans
I enjoy writing, possibly because I
regard each of the articles that I write as a work of art, and labor over each
one carefully trying to forge a thousand strands of thought into one clear
presentation. It is art of thought rather than style or rhyme, and of words
carefully chosen to convey that thought in a way that is clear and concise.
Far too many who profess to believe
in “Justification by Faith” as a doctrine do
not really live by it. They may talk about the importance of faith, but they
are still trying to gain God’s favor, blessing, or protection by keeping
the law. Therefore, even though they appear to be dedicated believers, they are
really in rebellion against God, for they are refusing to submit to the true righteousness
that comes only by forgiveness, and that through faith in Christ (Acts 13:39,
Romans 10:3-4). [Works do not make us righteousness before God, they simply
reveal the fact that we are righteous through faith in Christ, James 2:18.]
If I had grown up believing that
the Bible was full of error or that what it said was all a matter of opinion, I
would very likely be in hell today. Likewise, if my family had believed that
religion was a private thing that everyone should decide for himself, I might
still be in my sins. It is only by the grace of God that I am saved. However,
God used people who believed His Word and cared enough about my salvation to
condemn the errors that I once held to bring me out of darkness and into the
light.
Blessed is the man whom you chasten, O LORD, and teach
from your word. Ps 94:12